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Boosting sexual intimacy with you and your partner

Guest blogger Oloni stood against a blue patterned wall
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TV presenter and sex and relationship guru Oloni has been described as ‘the agony aunt for the influencer age’. She has her own blog and podcast, 'Laid Bare', and last year Oloni presented the BBC show 'My Mate’s a Bad Date' where she gave advice to seven disastrous dates. She is also Lovehoney’s resident "sexpert".

Oloni has shared with us her tips to boost sexual intimacy and the importance of sexual wellness:

What is sexual intimacy?

I have always been able to recognise whether I had sexual chemistry with a person I was looking to date, just by having an open conversation about sex. I think anyone can.

On my sex and relationships podcast, Laid Bare, I have always described this as “having sex, before having sex”. What I really mean by this is that it is possible to be intimate, before getting intimate. This would then give me a better idea of what type of lover you were, what your turn-ons and turn-offs are, whether you were open to using sex toys and if we both enjoy the same sex positions.

Sexual intimacy is finding a light way to bring sexual closeness, to not only your partner but with yourself. It’s setting the mood to help you both get ready for when the real pleasure begins.

Touching, cuddling, holding hands and sending naughty text messages. These are all different ways to get intimate with a sexual partner, you just have to find out what works best for the both of you.

When your partner shows that they care about improving sexual intimacy, we are given an even better insight into what type of lover they are. It’s important, because essentially, we all want partners who cater to us sexually and put what makes us both feel good, as one. Even when it doesn’t include arousal.

How can I improve sexual intimacy with myself?

There’s also no better time like the present to learn how to be intimate with yourself. Always remember, that really understanding what gets you hot and bothered in the bedroom when you’re with a partner, stems from exploring yourself when alone.

You can do this by reading erotica, trying on sexy lingerie, exploring with sex toys or even just setting the mood in your bedroom by lighting some scented candles. It’s all about listening to yourself and finding out what brings your mind, body and soul pleasure.

These are all just my suggestions, but ultimately, it’s down to you to explore what sexual intimacy with yourself looks like, as there’s no one-size-fits-all.

How can I improve sexual intimacy with a partner?

Improving sexual intimacy with a partner can be done by simply listening. Ask questions about their desires, using their answers to help you navigate what intimacy means to them.

Remember to have fun too when working on what can bring you closer together sexually.

You could shop together for a sex toy you can both use, such as a love ring, or surprise your with partner with a fun board game night - there are sex games you can try too!

Delving into your fantasies are another great way to understand and feel more connected to your partner.

A previous partner and I once sat in a car and simply shared all our sexual fantasies with each other. They were daring, fun and adventurous. For the first time, I was able to see another side to this person and suddenly I felt an even deeper connection, one I never imagined could be possible.

You’re letting them into a secret world of lust and desire which requires trust. What is more intimate and special than that?

The importance of sexual wellness and how intimacy forms a part of it

It’s important to take ownership of your sexual wellbeing, especially as a woman.

Previously, sex was seen as something that should be enjoyed through the male gaze and women were often judged when participating in sexual conversations. Today, more and more people are now comfortable having open conversations about intimacy, and the benefits of a happy sex life on our general wellbeing are now well recognised globally.

This is all part of female empowerment, having a collective sex positive attitude to the decisions other women make with their bodies. It’s celebrating our individuality and freedom of choice.

Female empowerment is vital, as it’s helping us re-educate ourselves on our sexuality as well as understanding our body autonomy, to ultimately achieve boundless personal and shared pleasure!

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